


this is the last time

by zacefronspants



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: F/M, Five Times + 1, I dubbo, idk man sorry, sad kind of, this is fuckit garbage, this was just
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-10
Updated: 2015-05-10
Packaged: 2018-03-29 21:03:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3910579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zacefronspants/pseuds/zacefronspants
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>five times stiles hopes lydia will love him back and the one time he didn't love her</p>
            </blockquote>





	this is the last time

**Author's Note:**

> thank you mccmartinski and the cute anon from my tumblr for the idea!

i.

They’re five years old when Stiles takes Lydia’s smaller hand and leads her into the nurse's office after she was pushed down by Jackson on the playground.

Stiles is five years old when he falls in love with Lydia Martin, the prettiest girl in elementary school and the entire town, next to his mother, of course.

Stiles is five years old and falling all over himself to make the girl with the soft curly hair that was the color of strawberries notice him. Stiles brings her daisies everyday and tells her she is the prettiest girl, “I’ve ever met,” and blushes when she laughs and takes the flowers from his muddy hands.

Stiles and Lydia are five years old when Lydia tells Stiles she loves him and that she likes him, “the best out of everyone else,” in their class and school. Stiles giggles and kisses her cheek and blushes when Jackson tells him he has cooties because Lydia has cooties.

Stiles thinks he’s going to marry Lydia at five years old.

ii.

Stiles is twelve years old when he starts to shave his head nearly bald.

Stiles is twelve when the world around him frays and Lydia stops speaking to him for three months and he can’t understand what he’s done wrong, if he’s done something wrong at all. He’s tired and angry and he can’t focus on anything anymore, Stiles’ dad says it’s just because his mother’s sick, but he’s always moving and fidgeting and _overly_ hyper and _he doesn’t know why._

Stiles is put on medication that tastes like chalk and makes him feel like he’s moving too fast and like he’s too aware. He hates it.

Stiles is twelve and four months when Lydia kisses his nose and tells him, “Sorry for ignoring you,” and tells him she loves him. And Stiles forgives her, he will always forgive Lydia for anything she does because he’s wrapped around her black painted fingers and she knows it.

Stiles is twelve and eight months when he tells Lydia he’s going to marry her, and flinches when she laughs and calls him silly.

iii.

They’re sixteen when Stiles has his first panic attack in three years. Lydia panicked and grabbed his face, smashing their lips together forcefully and Stiles realizes how stupidly in love with her he is. Stiles closes his eyes and kissed back, gently. Lydia pulls away from him and smiles half way, pressing her forehead into his shoulder and mumbling something about how kissing someone while having a panic attack makes their breathing return to normal, and Stiles wonders if she’s telling the truth. Stiles gives her a soft smile and kisses her head. Stiles is helplessly in love with Lydia and he doesn’t know why.

Stiles is walking home in the rain one day because Bertha died in the school parking lot when he sees Lydia holding hands with Jackson and he feels his stomach clench and bile fill his mouth. He hates it.

Stiles is almost seventeen when he thinks he’s the only one that meant it when he said, “I love you,” and it makes his eyes burn until his cheeks are wet and he doesn’t try to stop it.

Stiles is one month shy of being seventeen when he stops trying to get Lydia’s attention and just sticks to the hope she’ll love him back.

iv.

They’re nineteen when Lydia tells Stiles she’s moving out of their shared apartment and in with Aiden.

Stiles gets a sour taste in his mouth when he tells her, “I’ll help you pack.” They spend the next few days packing and talking about the memories of every area in the apartment and it makes Stiles’ chest burn. Stiles kisses her cheek when she leaves after a week of packing up her things and it’s the first time in a long while that he feels the onset of a panic attack. Stiles squeezes his eyes closed and sits down on the floor in the now spare bedroom and just cries for what seems to be lightyears. Clawing the carpets he lets out a loud sob and curls in on himself.

Stiles takes a bottle of whiskey from his dad and sits on the roof and downs it in three large gulps. He dials Lydia and drunkenly rambles to her voicemail that he’s so angry at her for not still living with him and, “You fucking took everything I had with you in that stupid pink suitcase of yours, you know? I feel my heart bleed when I go out to coffee with you and you talk about how you get to have morning teeth in just the nude with him and it not be sexual. And god dammit, I fucking wish I hated you,” he screams into the phone, hitting the end button and chucking his phone off the roof of his house and crying silently.

Stiles is nineteen and two months old when he apologizes for the voicemail. He hates how angry Aiden is when Lydia hugs him and forgives him for it.

Stiles is a week shy of being twenty when Lydia tells him she wants to marry Aiden. He is a week why of being twenty and he still hopes Lydia will say she’s in love with him.

v.

Stiles is twenty three when he moves back in with his dad.

Stiles sits in his old bedroom and wonders why he didn’t just sell the apartment after Erica basically bailed on him for six months when rent needed to be paid. He wonders why he didn’t just move out when Lydia did and why he’s still so damn angry about it. Stiles falls backwards and runs a hand down his face, ignoring the phone vibrating rapidly on his nightstand as he turns over and falls asleep to the rhythm. Stiles wakes up sometime later to three missed calls and once voicemail, his thumb hovering over the voicemail icon before he closes his eyes and listens to it.

“ _I assume you’re asleep, and you had better be Stilinski or I swear to fucking god. I just wanted to tell you that I got in! I did! I leave in the fall for Stanford! I’ll call you later and we can talk more about our future plans,”_ Stiles feels sick when it ends.

Stiles is twenty three and thinks maybe he shouldn’t call her back to congratulate her.

Stiles is six months into being back at home when he thinks that maybe there isn’t a chance Lydia ever love him back.

+i.

They’re both twenty seven when Stiles walks Lydia down the aisle.

Stiles takes his seat and watches the panic set in on her face when she realizes her mistake, and he watches in silence as she runs out of the church leaving a surprised bride in her wake. Stiles smiles gently and stands up, wincing when he hears Allison yell, “You planned this, didn’t you? You’ve always loved her. You’re pathetic Stiles.” Stiles keeps his head low and walks into the dressing room to find Lydia sitting on the floor sobbing. Stiles crouches down and strokes her hair, kissing her temple. Lydia looks at him with watery eyes and he listens as she tells him she made a huge mistake and she’s so sorry about this because this was her fault.

Stiles is twenty seven when Lydia says she’s in love with him. Stiles is twenty seven when he promptly tells Lydia he stopped loving her when she left for Stanford all those years ago and that he no longer wishes to be hers.

Stiles is almost twenty eight when Lydia stops speaking to him and he feels lighter.


End file.
